Let me start off by saying that you aren’t wrong and you aren’t really a judgmental person – you’re just naïve and slightly ignorant. I once heard that there is no more a judgmental mother than the 20-something, newly married, not yet a mom. I’d have to disagree with that statement. I think there is no more a judgmental mother than a first time mom of a baby under 2.
I get where your head is right now, I understand that everything is new and there is a lot you don’t know and this causes you a lot of anxiety and stress. You often wonder: Am I a good mom? Is this normal? Is he eating enough, sleeping enough, playing enough, pooping enough, getting enough socialization? Is a 18 month old supposed to know how to read? What age should I start potty training? Is my kid average, below average, genius? And so many more unknown, anxiety ridden questions it’s slightly mind boggling. I get that you cope with this anxiety of the unknown by comparing yourself and your child to others. And by comparing yourself and your kid to others you judge. You JudgyMcJudgerston you.
This letter to you is to make you feel better, relieve some stress and let you know that in fact –it is not all going to be ok.
A List Of Things You Should Just Accept Now
Your kids are going to act out in the most embarrassing, public of places and there isn’t anything you can do about it.
Remember that day you were at Toys R Us and you saw that little boy throwing a fit because his mom wouldn’t buy him a toy truck and you thought to yourself “my GAWD my child will NEVER act like that!”? He will. Every single kid does that at some point and I guarantee there will be a first time mom of a baby under 2 standing nearby thinking how God awful your child is behaving too.
Your kids are going to not always dress perfectly, have perfectly coiffed hair and matching shoes.
Try as you might, kids get more and more active and their hair will be ratty and their clothes disheveled and all that is – is a sign of a happy kid.
Your kids will not always eat healthy, wholesome, nutritious food.
You’re all obsessed with the organic, tofu, quinoa crap now but in just a few short years your kid will refuse it and you’ll end up giving him gold fish for lunch because it’s just easier that way. In fact, there will be some days a single healthy piece of nutrition will not be eaten and that’s ok, they’re still alive!
Your kids will in fact fart, burp and talk about poop like a man.
You can thank your husband for that.
Your kids will make you late. To everything. Every time.
One of my greatest pet peeves is tardiness and this is the one thing that was and still is the hardest for me to let go of. But it’s an awful fact that I am always at least 10 minutes late to everything. I’ve learned to just stop making appointments.
Your house will never, ever, ever be clean.
Right now Desiree, when you clean the house it stays clean for days but let me tell you your life in the future will not be clean. You will spend hours cleaning and it will last minutes. Minutes. I’m not joking. You’ll stop shopping for furniture and decorations for style and you’ll start shopping for how easy it is to clean.
You won’t always have it under control.
I know you see those moms now and you wonder what lead them to such a disasterous state and you promise yourself to always be in control. But guess what? Yes, sometimes you’ll be a hot mess and that doesn’t make you a bad mother. If everyone is still alive at the end of the day, you’ve done your job and you’ve done it well give yourself a break.
You won’t always maintain your cool.
You’ll totally have freak out moments and yell and say things you don’t mean. The important thing is to remember to apologize if need be.
Your stuff will get dirty, damaged or demolished.
This is hard for you to imagine because your one, perfect child under 2 isn’t messy or destructive and he spends his time being sweet and reading books but in just a few short years that same kid will be very messy and very destructive and he will spend his time wrangling up his siblings to plan your slow and painful demise. Your stuff will get ruined, so put the important stuff away in a box and bring it out again when they’re all grown and out of the house. Trust me.
It all goes by so fast.
You know those days that you wish your baby under 2 was older so that you could do “fill in the blank here” without a baby in tow? Stop that now. Because in fact, your baby will grow up so quickly you’ll hardly have a chance to catch your breath and before you know it he’ll be grown and you’ll regret all those moments you wished for him to be big.
So what does this all mean? This all means that judging others is not the answer. It means that no matter how much you try and stress that kids will turn out the way they turn out, flaws, imperfections, funny personalities, quirks, laughs and all. And in the end, you’ll relax, you’ll learn to let go and you’ll change. So sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.