Baby number three is due in less than three months and I'll admit, I'm scared. I'm scrambling now to get the house ready, to get loose ends tied up.
I'm not worried about failing at parenthood or work. My fear is that I will lose myself somewhere amidst the feedings and midnight soothings, as mothers tend to do after labor. We go into survival mode, prioritizing everyone else's needs against our own. With both of my children, I can vividly remember the feeling of emerging at around six months post-birth, babe in arms, foggy world settling, wondering what the hell happened to me.
The unpredictability and inability to prepare is unnerving. I like to know exactly what to expect, but babies are people with personalities and needs that can't be anticipated.
Like my boys, different as day and night.
Some Boy burst forth into the world with a vigor for life, an acute attention to detail coupled with severe stubbornness and deep compassion. A combination I've only ever seen in his dad.
Sidekick is just like me. Fiercely independent. Usually happy, with a sensitive side that occasionally causes him to retreat into exhaustion. He gives of himself freely while keeping detailed mental notes of perceived injustices. Calculating and capable and competitive.
The challenge is meeting the needs of another person without putting yourself entirely on the back burner. I'm blessed to be surrounded by amazing people who understand that I truly want and need them around, but relationships have to be on my terms. I keep my head above water with helpful products. Guidelines I've learned over the years keep my family on track and I'll admit that I'm absolutely Type A when it comes to scheduling.
It doesn't hurt that I'm a night owl. The midnight routine doesn't faze me. I've actually found nights spent awake with newborns to be some of the most productive and mindfully challenging times of life. But recovering from those nights is brutal, and I see it getting harder and harder as I get older. With two active children, I can't afford to be dragging during the day because I've been up all night with a baby…that's what I'm most afraid of this time around.
Midnight Moms, Let's Chat
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