Scorpion sting
Rest in peace, my opponent

This is a scorpion. Not a friend. It is also someone you don’t want to barefoot high five. Encounters with such creatures are usually pretty rare and scorpions aren’t exactly “out to get you.” But I happen to be a special type of guy. If it doesn’t happen to most people…it’ll happen to me. Needless to say, this little guy and I had a bit of a run in.
Sometime around 2am, as I was just finished playing an awesome new game on my PS3, I was making my last round. This is where I make sure that all the lights Chelsea might have left on when she went to bed are in fact off, the windows and doors are all closed and locked, and I make my way to bed. As I traversed across my tile floor, through the foyer and towards my front door, I could not hear my enemy approaching from its well chosen ambush point. Clearly it had studied my patterns. It knew this was the last place I'd go before I went to bed. It at least had some sense of honor to face me awake, instead of taking the assassin's route and getting me while I slept (which everyone knows is the coward's way).

As I mindlessly stepped over the tile floor, I had a sudden feeling as though I had stepped on a forgotten piece of glass (probably broken by my brother). I looked down at my right foot (barefoot as I was in my own domain), and surveyed the damage. As I looked, I could see – in the dark – the shadowy figure of my adversary quickly retreating from his strike. He no doubt thought his strike would do me in. I knew exactly what had happened. I searched for the light switch (damn…just turned them all off, too), and brought my attacker into the light. With quick thinking, I placed the scorpion king in a silicone force field so that he could not escape. Okay, I grabbed a tall glass from my cupboard and put it on top of him. I then contacted my corpsman or medic (mom).

giant scorpion sting
Something like our battle

For the common folk who may happen upon a scorpion sting (probably because you interrupted the scorpion in the middle of a really embarrassing bathroom break), here are some “tips” on what you might want to do.

  1. Stay calm. Scorpion strikes are rare and you NEVER see them on the news…unless the scorpion king decided to strike a baby in the face…in the middle of Los Angeles. The reason for this is that it's hardly fatal (but there are those people out there that seem to have odd issues).
  2. Wash the strike area with soapy water. This cleans it. Duh.
  3. Apply ice to the area. Typically ice in a Ziploc bag is a good way to go as the bag will keep a barrier to reduce the chance of ice burn (not that it really matters at this point).
  4. You can take Benadryl or Tylenol for the pain and inflammation that might occur.
  5. If the pain increases and spreads, consult a physician.

bark scorpion

NOTE: Assuming you are in North America, the one scorpion you might really want to do #5 for is the Bark Scorpion. It seems to be stronger…venom wise.

In my case, however, the scorpion clearly – in his/her frantic rush to make its strike against me – failed to concoct the special formula required to take me down. It even made its attack point the most callus part of my foot. I only needed to go through steps #1 and #2. But I’m a warrior. The scorpion was no match for my comeback strike. I let loose the dogs of hell. All of my wrath and fury went in to my counter strike. I let all the bombs drop…a full one second dose of RAID. That was the end of my noble adversary. I didn’t even feel bad about using its equivalent of a nerve agent.