Everyone talks about quarter-life and mid-life crises, but I've been a little concerned lately with third-life. Are third-life crises a thing? Retirement takes up much of my waking mind space, truly. It's getting out of hand. And suddenly, Botox is looking like a mildly-attractive option when before it was like, “What sort of crazy person would inject a muscle paralyzer into their FACE?”
So my response to the Oscars at this age is probably similar to many others. I've had a bunch of babies back-to-back and successfully cocooned myself from most of the world's going-ons so I'm clueless about most of the movies on the list. I get a quiet moment to glance at the roster (on my phone, because, let's be real…computers at this age are reserved for YouTube or actual work) and I have a conflicted response to the names I see.
Leonardo Dicaprio. Oh, thank God he's still relevant! We're working with Invisalign, and they tell me that one of their surveys declared him to have the best smile out of all the best actor nominees. Can't argue with that. Leo was ALL THE RAGE when I was in high school, and now he's over 40. He's obviously getting better with age, so I can too. Right? Johnny Depp is over 50. Matt Damon's 45.
Why are all my examples MEN? Why can't I think of a slammin-hot older woman?
My mind draws a blank.
Ah, Jennifer Lawrence is on the list for a movie I've never heard of! Invisalign also tells me she's got the vote for best actress nominee with the best smile. You know I'm hip when I get my actor info from my orthodontist!
She's been in all those teeny-bopper movies with the fire arrows, right? I wonder how old she is.
Takes a moment to Google Jennifer Lawrence's age, discovers that she's still in her twenties.
I shall remain skeptical about the whole Jennifer Lawrence fad.
Aging isn't all bad, though. I think I've entered a sort of self-care phase of life. I neglected myself for awhile and now I have no qualms about making up for it. It obviously happens for the actresses, too. Kate Winslet went through a severely awkward phase after Titanic (she was having babies, y'all, go figure) and look at her now! Rockin the sidekick role in Steve Jobs.
Join me in cheering on all our favorite (and not-so-favorite) celebs this Sunday. If you feel as out-of-touch as I do, not to worry. Our sponsor, Invisalign, will be adding all sorts of witty commentary over on Twitter with the hashtag #RedCarpetSmile! You can also enter to win an Invisalign treatment. Just like all those Hollywood types, your teeth can be straight as a rail.
Have you noticed your tastes in pop culture shifting as you get older?