Homemade Hot Pockets Perfect for Valentine’s Day

Have any of you guys watched Jim Gaffigan's stand-up comedy routines? Please say yes. If not, I'm pretty sure we can't be friends anymore…and that would make me sad. He has this hilarious sketch about Hot Pockets that was stuck inside my head the entire time I was making these homemade Hot Pockets.

My sister was over to help me with some projects, and she and I kept going back and forth imitating his Hot Pockets voice for each other, repeating “Hot Poooooockets,” in creepy high-pitched voices over and over again. I ended up making my homemade Hot Pockets with special little hearts cut out of them, so we decided that these must be called Heart Pockets. Then it was “Heeeeeeeeeeart Poooooockets” being chanted repeatedly and in increasingly deafening decibels.

If you have no idea what Jim Gaffigan's Hot Pockets sketch is, please see Exhibit A so you have some clue what I'm talking about.

Homemade Hot Pockets

My homemade Hot Pockets are fortunately made with ingredients I can actually pronounce! Let's get on with it, shall we?

Roll out your pre-made dough about 1/4″ thick on a flat surface.

Using a pizza cutter or knife, cut your dough into 3×8″ pieces.

Spoon a couple tablespoons of pizza sauce onto the middle of one side of each dough piece.

I make pizza sauce for my homemade Hot Pockets by just adding some garlic, basil, oregano and red chili peppers into one large can of tomato sauce and one small can of tomato paste. Or you could just go with store bought.

Top each of your homemade Hot Pockets with a couple tablespoons of cheese…

…and then several slices of pepperoni.

Since Valentine's Day is coming up, I used a small heart cookie cutter to cut a heart shape out of the top of each of the homemade Hot Pockets. You can skip this step if you'd like – the Hot Pockets will cook perfectly well without any holes in the top.

Fold the top of the homemade Hot Pockets over the filling.

Pinch around every edge of the homemade Hot Pockets so none of your ingredients spill out the sides when you cook them.

In case you're wondering what I did with those cute dough hearts I had leftover, I sprinkled them with some melted butter and brown sugar and then cooked them up right along with the homemade Hot Pockets. Nate's mom taught me to do this with leftover pie dough and it's always one of my favorite parts about baking pie.

Cook your homemade Hot Pockets at 400 degrees F for about 12-14 minutes.

Voila! This recipe makes about six or seven homemade Hot Pockets. I suggest doubling it, because these things go FAST. If you're on a diet that's a little less “pie crust” and a little more “low carb,” try my friend April's Keto Flatbread Pizza!

Have you ever made homemade hot pockets?