my old toothbrush sucked

So, I was at the dentist the other day and he was all, “Woah, your teeth suck. You're a really crappy toothbrusher.”

And I was like, “Dude, I'm rubber and you're glue.”

In case you're looking for ways to make your dentist charge you even more, I'm chock full of them.

He told me it was time to ditch the manual old toothbrush (I swear, that's exactly what he called it: “manual”) and invest in something a little fancier so I'd stop having to waste money on HIS services so often. Oh, sweet voice of logic.

Apparently there's this newfangled thing called an electric toothbrush. I could be getting it wrong. It might be called an eclectic toothbrush. Either one seems pretty spot-on to me. In any case, he recommended Sonicare by name. I thought dentists only did that on commercials. So, I got their newest fancy-pants hot-off-the-press Sonicare PowerUp brush for less than $20 at Walmart. If you're interested, you can actually watch the entire evolution of toothbrushes here.

sonicare toothbrush

It promised to deliver a month's worth of brush strokes in one day. Yeah. Okay. Defying the laws of physics, are we?

toothbrushes rock!

Not to be all “before and after” on you, but OH MY WORD! This is way better than my old toothbrush. Why didn't someone make me do this sooner? My teeth are all squeaky clean now all the time. It's that post-dentist feeling that's almost akin to skinny dipping. You there, you know what I'm talking about. That weird, new, special occasion feeling where you're holding off eating the nachos for fear that the cheesy goodness will get in all your crevices and it'll be like, six months before you get that clean feeling back.

Eat the nachos, people. Then go brush your teeth with this thing. TADA! Squeakiness restored.

toothbrush manual

In other weird news, my Sonicare PowerUp came with an instruction pamphlet that cracked me up. Who needs an instruction manual for the old toothbrush routine? Good thing I read it, though, because it had some pretty key tips like, “Avoid splattering: place brush in mouth before turning on.” That's totally something I would do.

sonicare toothbrush

The toothbrush looked normal enough, but it goes SO fast that you get this funny buzzy feeling on your lips when you're done. I was afraid that kind of hyperspeed would be brutal on my gums, but it's remarkably soft-bristled. It automatically shuts off after two minutes so you know you're done and you won't rush your way through things, and I enjoy that it has an extra-skinny neck so I'm not prying some giant tool into my mouth.

I actually enjoy brushing my teeth now. I'm always kind of tempted to turn it back on when it auto-shuts off. Sometimes, I actually do. Can that be our little secret?

battery-operated toothbrush

Also, this thing comes with batteries that you can simply replace over time as opposed to those rechargeable ones. You know me…I would TOTALLY lose the charger stand thingy.

So, you're wondering what I did with my old toothbrush. I know, the suspense is killing you. For all you readers looking for that Pinterest-friendly takeaway, here ya go!

18 weird things you can do with an old toothbrush

Do you use your old toothbrushes in weird ways around the house?